A Rose by Any Other Name…

in Dating Tips

Aahhhh, what is in a name? No one has asked this question as woefully as poor, little Juliet… well, until me, that is. It’s pretty apparent I nitpick- down to the username on dating profiles. I know, I know- I can be ridiculous. I just seem to notice all that is awful and absurd- no matter how minute. What can I say? I have a gift for these things! One’s username is not the end-all, but it can definitely tip the scale one way or the other. For me, a witty or punny name can give you an edge over Jon1234 or BobSmith, thereby increasing your chances that I’ll respond. Sadly, however, the opposite effect can certainly happen too. I’ve only come across a handful of names that are so off-putting that I refuse to respond. Most of the time, though, I just laugh or shake my head in disdain. Here are my recent “favorites”:

1. ricosuavelover – To be taken seriously, Gerardo himself has tried to shake off this “tasty and smooth” persona since the 90s, bro. There’s no reason you should want to emulate him. Besides, if you don’t have 6 pack abs and long, flowing hair, don’t go there.

RicoSuave

2. bigdaddyrick – Unless you’re a bi-sexual red-neck character in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, please don’t refer to yourself as Big Daddy. There is nothing alluring about envisioning a fat, dying, misogynistic Southern hillbilly.

BigDaddy

3. fithairgenious – Well, I’ll give it to him. He’s fit. He has hair. But he’s no genius. *smh*

SMH

4. not_a_ceo_or_vp – Nothing wrong with a little honesty, folks. At least he’s giving the gold diggers a heads up, so they won’t waste their time on him. How thoughtful of him!

Suit

5. woodiuserectus – This must be a subspecies of humans whose lineage traces back to Homo sapiens ignoramus.

HomoErectus

 

6. MrAsianBoyany man who wants to be treated like a man shouldn’t call himself a boy. I don’t want to conjure an image of a child or some weird Japanese businessmen homoerotic fetish. What? Was MrAsianMan taken??

asianboy

 

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