And the Pussy of the Year Award Goes to…

in Conversations with People

Beta-Blocker Boy: hey
Me: hi, handsome. having a good day?
Beta-Blocker Boy: i didnt sleep for shit last night. i had to wake my mom becasue i was having a mild panic attack and couldnt breathe (yes, he still lives at home with his parents)
Me: why?
Beta-Blocker Boy: basically thinking about our convos we had (our conversation consisted of me telling him that I’m cynical and can be dark at times, but really- it doesn’t take a 6th sense to figure me out. oh and I also told him that I used to be an axe-murderer and a Republican; those two might have caused some uncomfortable visceral movement)
Me: are you kidding me?
Beta-Blocker Boy: no
Me: um
Beta-Blocker Boy: you were right from the get-go. i cant fix you nor do i have the energy to fix myself and someone else
Me:  oh geezus.  got it.  you needn’t say much else
Beta-Blocker Boy: im sorry about your predicament, but i dont think i can handle it all
Me:  take care. bye

Ahh, melts my heart!

Beta-Blocker Boy is this incredibly handsome fellow with the cutest little West Highland terrier who contacted me on a dating website (you should know that I’m a total sucker for a cute dog. I will consider seeing a guy- whom I wouldn’t normally- just to hang out with the dog. Lame, I know but the truth). Anyway, we’ve been communicating for several weeks, however, after our initial conversation, I knew this dude was off his rocker. It didn’t take much deductive reasoning to figure it out. He openly discussed his slew of mental and emotional issues and list of accompanying medications. Apparently, Beta-Blocker Boy suffers from major social anxiety disorders and as a result, sweats profusely and often has panic attacks. He’s so uncomfortable around people that he doesn’t go out much- it’s usually just he and his lil doggy, Willie. It also didn’t help that he used to abuse alcohol and is in AA for the past 10yrs, so merely talking about drinking gets him in a tizzy. Mind you, he’s 30. That means he started drinking at…*counting fingers*??? Oh, and he self medicates with marijuana 24/7. Must be nice living your days in a haze.

I admit what my continuing correspondence with him may say about myself is up for debate. Why then did I continue talking to him despite knowing all this, you wonder? No, I’m not attracted to crazies (although they make for interesting blogs) nor do I ever want to fix anyone- I have no patience nor resilience for that shit. Plainly put: He’s quite attractive, and it doesn’t hurt that he’s not incredibly stupid and has the most adorable dog. Stop judging me! You’d have episodes of desperation too if you were battling fat, illiterate ogres and other hideous creatures of the night who should be hunted down with pitchforks and who constantly try to hook up with you with fascinating lines like, “Hey your hot lets fuck”. Yes, I am human and have bouts of superficiality just like everyone else, so when a cute guy with a cute dog who be talkin’ kinda good contacts me, yeah well I’m going to respond.

Anyway, back to the story. Beta-Blocker decided to make the 4.5hr drive to come see me. Sweet, right? Too bad that the night before the road-trip was to happen we talked a bit. Yes, that’s the conversation in which he loss sleep over. I know I can be a little intense at times, but I promise it’s nothing too crazy. Most people just don’t openly admit they have quirks or issues; I do. I figured the only thing I owe the other person and to myself is honesty. Don’t you want to know what you’re getting yourself into (if he’s lucky- yuk yuk yuk!) before you invest too much? I guess I should shut my trap and be misleading like most other people. Gah, what a pussy he is. Live and learn, live and learn.

How can you resist all this cuddly goodness?!

Silver lining: at least in our last conversation he told me he finally found a medication that works on his sweating and anxiety: propanolol. Now his nickname makes sense, right? Ah, I’m so witty!

Anyway, c’est la vie. I really, really wanted to meet Willie too. Dangit!

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