Burying Your Bone in My Yard

in Conversations with People

I’m not an ageist. I really, truly do like older people and enjoy their company. However, when it comes to the dating arena, I sing a different tune. I prefer my beau and I apply for social security and medicare together in the far future. I’m also skeptical of Life Alert’s current technology, so I’m waiting on something more advanced that’s bound to be released on the market in the next decade. Most importantly, the only senior I want to play “Hide the Nightstick” with is one who’s about to graduate college.

Growing old together

Me: received an email from an older gentleman. he wrote, “do you know what I like the best about you?” and so I responded, “the fact that I’m 24 years your junior?” not sure if he found it funny, but he said age is just a number.
Sis: it’s just a number until you end up having to change your husband’s diaper and administer Alzheimer’s meds while pregnant. Or when buying diapers you have to get adult sized for hubby & baby size for your kid, but they can share food…
Me: HAHA older age is fine. just don’t look your age. odds are though, you do, and that’s not sexy to me yet
Sis: there are ppl who look beyond that.
Me: I’m not exactly superficial. none of my bfs have been hot. I don’t look for hot. I look for “aww, I like your face”. that’s not asking for much, right?
Me: some people think I’m still 20, so imagine how awkward it’d be to be with a 50+ yr old. it’ll look like a total sugar daddy/baby arrangement- which is ok, but what’s NOT ok is getting that wrap without the benefits. if I’m going to be thought of as a gold digger, there better be some fkn gold to be had. just kidding, but I digress…
Sis: Don’t get me wrong, I love the elders. I love hearing how things used to be when they were our age. It’s just when they still act like our age & trying to bury a bone in our yard is when I’m grossed out
Me: “bury a bone in our yard”? is that a euphemism for what I think you’re saying??
Sis: Yes, never heard of that saying? My yard has restrictions: women only under 45. Lol My lawn isn’t open to the public!
Me:  what are those signs you see posted? Stay off lawn? I should put up a sign that says, “NO SOLICITING”. My lawn is not a burial ground.

Bury bone

There is nothing wrong with dating an older man; I just don’t prefer it. We’re all entitled to what we like, right? Some people have gotten their jock straps in a bunch when I decline their advances because they’re not what I prefer. You don’t see me getting all pissy when a guy tells me he prefers someone taller and with looser morals. Don’t attempt to change my mind; I know what I like so stop trying to shove your square peg into my round hole!

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