Can’t Fix Stupid

in Emails from Suitors

Have you ever received an email that didn’t totally turn you off but you weren’t quite sure you’re interested, so you respond to quell the curiosity? Then the follow-up email pops into your mailbox, and you’re like um, yeah, just no…

OverHisHead Email #1: So I’ve been thinking. I’m getting pretty sick of my job, it’s the same old thing every day. I think I’m going to head on down to Columbia and take a swing at being a renowned drug smuggler, like Johnny Depp in Blow. It wouldn’t be as fun without my Penelope Cruz though. You should join me. I mean… you really won’t have to do much, maybe a couple lessons of Rosetta Stone. Other than that you could just sit around the pool all day and drink margaritas and get oiled up by hot pool boys while i conduct business. So are you down? (Um, you mean ColOmbia, bro?)

My Response: Hmm, I’m not sure if NYC and Ivy League preppy kids are my cup of tea. I’m sure the only thing you’d be pushing are cocaine and Mollies to that crowd. Why would I need Rosetta Stone? I know they twoak a lil diffrent, especially if we goda Lonk Eye-lent, but it’s still understandable. Besides, the winter there can be brutal! 😉

OverHisHead Email #2: But you’ll need to know spanish if we go to Columbia ;-). Im pretty sure she ended up broke with 3 kids and he ended up in prison. I might need to rethink this. (No, I am the one who needs to rethink this)

So much for trying to be cute; dude just didn’t get it, and I refuse to spell it out for him. I much rather post this on my blog, so we can all laugh about it. Well, I’m laughing about it at least. “Look at dis fuckin guy! Gid outta hea!

 

shot to the head

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