Closeted Bible Thumper

in Bad Dates

Gods Fan ClubI’m not particularly religious. I don’t like to conform with the masses, and I question way too much to be an obedient follower. As a matter of fact, I identify as spiritual, so when it comes to dating, I try to avoid those who are seriously practicing whatever religion that tells them where they’ll end up when they die. I have this preference to avoid unnecessary conflict with a romantic partner. I also just don’t appreciate being called a heathen by anyone either. Tiny things like that that dooms a budding relationship, in my humble opinion.

Just as I state that I want someone with no children, I state that I want someone who isn’t a zealot. No gray area there, people. So why are there baby daddies and serious church goers contacting me? You can’t hide either for too long and just end up wasting each other’s time, so go figure.

Lt. “Iceman” was a sweet mannered naval aviator I met through eHarmony. After checking out each other’s profiles, we thought it was worth pursuing. For me, no red flags popped up: single, educated, non-religious, employed. Good to go! Or so I thought. We jumped through all the hoops that eHarmony thinks is dire in order to deliver a good match, so we exchanged all the Q&A dribble and finally phone numbers. We went on several dates and for the last one, he invited me over to his house to cook me dinner. How sweet and romantic, right?

When I arrived, he gave me a tour of his house and explained why there’s a surf board mounted on the wall and why he loves open shelving in the kitchen. Iceman then takes me over to his huge book collection in the living room that I found rather attractive. I love men who read a wide variety of literature! Then of course, he showed me his bedroom which was in immaculate order and tastefully decorated. That’s when I noticed another bookshelf. I’m not the kind of person who goes into people’s medicine cabinets, but bookshelves are totally fair game in my book. That’s when I noticed the dude had about 9 bibles. 9?? Why would one need that many bibles next to his bed? Call me ignorant, but how many versions are there?!

Slightly puzzled, I turned to him and asked, “Didn’t you say you’re not religious?” To which Iceman stammered, “Well, um,  not really. I just read it every night.” Uh… and I later find out he attends church twice a week.

See, I admire his dedication, but did he not foresee an issue with this? God forbid we end up getting married and then fighting over baptizing our child and then divorcing because we couldn’t come to an agreement! It’s a snowball effect here! There are plenty of girls who would appreciate his devotion to The Lord and actually prefer it. Just not this girl. Maybe he just wanted to save my soul by one day converting me into a believer. Or maybe he just wanted to get into my panties. I guess I’ll never know the true reason why he even bothered. Oh bloody hell.


Jesus Enters

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