Cup o’ Joe

in Bad Dates

Dating can be expensive, so if you’re a serial dater, your bank account will definitely take a hit. Think about it. Depending on where you live, there are the costs of gas & tolls, parking & valet, food & drink, and other miscellaneous items such as make-up & other beauty products (bet men don’t realize this tidbit), and let’s not forget to mention opportunity costs at that- har har. So unless you’re shitting golden goose eggs, I suggest you choose your dates wisely as to not waste any hard earned money on undeserving people. What I don’t suggest you do is going on dates you can’t afford.

We Americans find living outside our means is the norm and almost a right. I, on the other hand, prefer not to because the thought of debt gives me cold sweats and night terrors. This is why for most first dates, I like to alleviate some financial pressures on me and the guy I’m seeing. Solution? Coffee dates! There are so many bonuses to this first date venue: crowded place that can provide some safety should he be a cannibal  and with affordable light fare to nosh on while you exchange cheesy one-liners and stock options. Besides, if you can’t afford a cup of coffee, your broke ass should stay at home or be working at a job. However, there’s another kind of dating creature who is just as vile: the cheap bastard. It’s one thing to not be able to afford a cup of coffee, then there’s not wanting to pay for a cup of coffee. *eye roll*

So Cup o’ Joe and I randomly met in the sunglass aisle at Neiman Marcus Last Call, after suggesting he forgo the pair he was trying on because his head was too wide for the small frame, he was grateful for my honest suggestion and insisted we grab coffee. I was thinking, “Hmm, a very well dressed guy in a store that’s reasonably priced for quality goods. He doesn’t come off as a scrub- sure.” We then head downstairs to Starbucks where he tells me he didn’t want anything. Er, odd, no? Why did you suggest we get coffee then? I go to the counter and order the Creme Brulee latte, and that’s when the barista informed me that there’s a buy one get one free deal going on for the holiday lattes. Before I can say anything, Cup o’ Joe chimed in and said he’ll get one too… with extra whipped cream, please! The order was placed and it was time to pay, so I pulled out my debit card. That’s when he said, “Since you were about to pay for one anyway, and it’s still the same price…”


He was also kind enough to remind me that the tip should be for BOTH cups.

Fucking kidding me


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