He Just Can’t Figure It Out

in Stories


By the time I graduated from grad school, I still hadn’t decided what I wanted to do for a career. I still didn’t know where I wanted to settle. I wasn’t sure what I expected from “the one”. There were a lot of big questions that I didn’t have the answers to. I was in my mid 20s, but one thing I have figured out was my sexual orientation. Sure, I’ve dabbled in a little homoerotic incidences, but I knew I wasn’t romantically attracted to females. I love boobies, but not enough to want to date the female attached to them. I didn’t know much, but I knew I was straight.

Bi-confused Guy messaged me and we chatted for a while, but we never met up. He was in the Midwest and I was in the Southeast, so it wasn’t as if we could go grab a drink. What we could do is InstantMessage for hours. He was interesting, educated, and a tad eccentric. We talked about books, music, family, past relationships. You name it, and we probably discussed it- including sexual exploits. That’s when things got… interesting. I mentioned that a couple of men who identified as bi-sexual have contacted me. I jokingly said I couldn’t date someone who was bi because that’s just too much competition for me to handle. Another female? Sure, I got the goods to level the playing field enough. But a man? How am I to compete when I’m not adequately equipped?! Well, that’s when Bi-confused Guy told me he wasn’t sure of his sexual orientation. WTF? You’re almost 30!

He told me he never thought of men until a gay guy started hitting on him at a club. One thing led to another and they started making out. Ok, I can handle that. Then it escalated with them leaving the club and the gay guy blowing him in the alley. I was still understanding, telling myself most people experiment. How will you know if you don’t try, right? Well, then he continued to tell me he still wasn’t sure if he was attracted to men after that episode- really?? It took a second incident where he was on the giving end to see if he liked it (his words). WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. Ok, I can’t handle that. I don’t know if I was more bothered by the fact that he felt the need for a dick in his mouth or the fact that he still wasn’t sure after the first homosexual encounter. Don’t you just kinda know if you’re attracted to the same or opposite sex?? I don’t exactly have to smash my face into the asphalt to find out if it’d hurt; I’m just pretty fucking confident it will. I wasn’t trying to be judgmental, but damn, I don’t have time for him to figure it out. I’m already confused enough in the other aspects of my life. I sure as hell didn’t need to wonder if the guy I’m interested in prefers taco or polish sausage.


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