Letters Are Like Ingredients for Words. Follow the Recipe.

in Emails from Suitors

I seriously can’t stress enough how imperative correct spelling and grammar are. Some people say I’m a grammar Nazi or that it isn’t indicative of someone’s intellect. Yeah well, I say, “Yes I am the grammar police, and yes it’s a good litmus test.” Case in point…

Bobby Flay: dam baby i like u down to earth buetifall im gona go to school at cordon blue to be a cheif so i can take cre of u when it comes to eatin good food i work and love to look good pretty decent when it comes to stringing words together that are funny and so vary interested in getting to know u bow chica wow wow lol so yeah lets get to know each other lets do this lol hope to hear back from u heres my email…

Maybe this wannabe Bobby Flay should go back to grammar school before wielding a knife and playing with fire. I worry he may think methanol is the same as ethanol. How different can they be right? It’s only a one letter difference between the two! Will he be able to operate a mandolin slicer without shedding blood? Btw, did he actually say he’s decent at stringing words together? Maybe he should practice stringing letters together to make a real word first?

1. damn, not dam- something tells me he wasn’t referring to a barrier that prevents water flow. damming of word flow, on the other hand…
2. beautiful, not buetifall- kudos for trying. I picture him slowly sounding out the letters while he’s typing, as if he is a mutated progeny of the characters from Deliverance.
3. cordon bleu, not cordon blue- he should have at least known how to spell the name of the school in which he wants to attend. blue is a pretty color, though.
4. chef, not cheif- rule of thumb: i before e, except after c. either way, he was wrong.
5. care, not cre- lucky for him, I can read minds and knew what he was trying to say.
6. very, not vary- as in “Your varying spelling sucks very badly.”

I imagine his cakes would read like the following:

My last date would think this an invitation in cake form.


Catholics love to conform!
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