No Thanks, Fat Cat

in Bad Dates, Conversations with People

When it comes to telling little white lies or being straight up deceitful, it doesn’t matter the gender, ethnicity, or sexual orientation of the people online. They ALL do it to some extent- except me, of course. Apparently, my sister experienced the same dating bullshit in the gay world too. Surprise surprise. Not.

Fat CatSis: I met one UPenn lawyer who sent me a pic that looks like 10yrs prior (at least) but she’s about 10-15lbs heavier now… that’s being conservative, prob like 20lbs. she was really smart, obviously, UPenn law and biz and all
Me:  yeah but you don’t want anything to do with her fat cat. sooooo… friend zone.

WHY do people do that? You don’t think anyone will notice a difference when you meet up in person? Do you think the magical lighting and angle you used to take your photos will recreate itself at the coffee shop and like magic, your 20 lb worth of jelly rolls and receding hairline will disappear? Or do you think your dates will get so sloshed at the bar that they’ll make an exception for you just this once? Geez, I can’t get off my soapbox when it comes to this! I’ve gone on dates with men who are shocked that I am exactly as I portray myself because evidently, people who desperately hold on to past glory days run rampant online. Regretfully, being honest is not the norm.

This is why I Skype before heading out the door to meet a person. It’s much easier and less awkward to click the “End Call” button than to ask for the tab and run out of the establishment. Once though, I found myself bored and at the last minute, met up with a guy after a quick chat. He was fit in his photos but when he showed up at the bar, his buttons looked as if they were about to pop. Not fibbing, folks. I totally deserved being conned for not doing my due diligence. After the first drink, my foul mood did not subside, and I just didn’t feel like I had to sit through this bullshit, so I told him this wasn’t going to work out. We were supposed to meet up at the bar and head out to the club, but since he misled me, I sent his chunky ass home. Yes, I seriously said, “You should leave because I just text my friend to come get me.” That was harsh, I know. Hey ya’ll, he done did fucked up, so he should know, right? What’s really pathetic about this situation was while I was at the club, Fatty Mcgoo text me to ask if he can join. :(

Look, I’m not a totally superficial bitch. I just don’t like being lied to, OK? Can’t start a relationship that begins by being misled. And I also have no attraction to bodies that move in wave-like motions.


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