Pansy Men

in Emails from Suitors

I’m the type of female who is not overly sensitive and consider my life pretty much drama-free. My personality has never been described as feminine, and I’m actually quite proud of that (I’m not going to even try to be politically correct. We are all well aware of the “female” stereotypes. I’m just saying for the most part, my personality isn’t um, stereotypical. Physically, however, I have tig-ol’-bitties, a small waist, and birthing hips. Can’t get more feminine than that). Also, I don’t need to talk about my feelings often, and I actually enjoy alone time too. So when it comes to men, I require the type who’s more rational and analytical than emotional. I guess you can say I want someone who has similar personality traits as mine but with a more masculine skew (bring the testosterone and body hair!). I have a strong personality, so men who aren’t comfortable with themselves end up being emasculated in my presence- my bad; sorry I’m not sorry. Oh, I also have the need to mention that I abhor men who are artsy-fartsy and are easily moved to tears by something “beautiful”.

Eyeroll

There is no need for a man to be too much in tune with his feminine side. There should only be one vagina in my romantic relationship (and by default, it’s going to be mine), OK? Men who are overly open with their feelings just seem effeminate to me! There is no way I can get wet for a man when I feel as if I’m the more manly of the two. This leads me to BitchBoy:

BitchBoy: Hi, I’m on here looking to find someone who I can feel safe with, since most of the time I feel very scared. I’m working on becoming stronger… maybe you can help me. Take a look at my profile and if you’like what you see maybe we can chat? 

Dude, un-tuck your penis and grow a pair! What do you mean you’re scared most of the time, and why do you feel the need to confess this to me? Do you see dead people or hear voices telling you to eat babies? I am pretty clear at expressing the type of person I am and the type I’m looking for on my profile, so why this gentleman contacted me with this message is beyond me. Wait, maybe it’s because I come off as masculine and he’s innately feminine, so he naturally felt a draw towards me? Er, no. Buh-bye now.

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