Run-on Sentences Make Me Want to Runaway

in Emails from Suitors

So something I learned about online dating: if you have correct grammar usage and spelling with no childish emoticons and exclamation points all over your profile, you’re perceived as high maintenance and full of yourself. Oh, my bad, bro. I just wanted to come off as educated. Didn’t realize talkin’ good makes me look like a biaatch.

Run-On Dude: Sorry girl I just read ur profile u had me rolling ur funnier than crap little to high maintenance for me ur crazy as hell very superficial stuck on ur self and will be the crazy ass cat lady but at least u knew u made me laugh and ur pretty Damm cute ur just to Damm crazy

I would have been offended if he knew the difference between to and too. The flagrant disregard for correct spelling and diction somehow took off the edge, and well, he did say I’m cute! By the way, where the fuckhole are his punctuation marks?! Oh, and for your information, I’m going to be the “crazy ass DOG lady”.

Here’s a tip for all you single people: if you want to hook yourself a partner who doesn’t waste time on menial things like grammar and spelling (and probably flossing) and one who has an overall unambitious outlook on life, don’t list your credentials (e.g. job, education, goals). You’ll come off as an over-achieving asshole, mmmk?


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