Super Creeper

in Emails from Suitors

I admit, there’s a lot of pressure for men when making the first correspondence. They must stand out among a hundred other messages to even seem worthy to vie for your attention. Some men are one word guys (booooring. you seriously think you deserve a response with that laziness?), while others try to woo you with a long and elaborate essay (dude, you’re investing too much time when the response¬†rate is obviously not in your favor). Then there are times when you get a message that is so impeccable, packing a super concentrated dose of awkwardness in 20 words or less. That’s an amazing feat, people.

eyesSuperCreeper:¬†I love your eyes so much. ohh god …die for your eyes…god help me i wanna know you

*vigorously shaking my head no* Nah uh, nope nope nope. It’s not just me who finds this creepy, right? Try reading it again. In your mind, did the “ohh” sound like a slow dirty moan? Yeeaaah, so that’s why he weirded me the fuck out. Hey mister, thanks for letting me know right off the bat that you’re a super creeeper. Makes it that much easier to block your ass.


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