Unsolicited Advice

in Conversations with People

I’ve been reared to respect my elders… regardless. I’m actually very polite and courteous to everyone I come across, believe it or not, especially to those who are old enough to be my parents. My sister lectures me on making people earn my respect and to not base it on age; she does have a point because sometimes being polite doesn’t seem to pay off. Being polite and respectful towards old folks can welcome unsolicited relationship advice anchored in antiquated beliefs that can leave you feeling like a freaking broken spinster.


One time, I was working out at my apartment’s gym when a 50+ year old Indian woman (dot not feather) came in and was fumbling with the stationary bike. I walked over to assist her, so she started a conversation with me. After introducing ourselves and answering her questions pertaining to my profession and age, she proceeded to inquire if I was married, to which I replied I’m still single. From the look of disappointment in her eyes, you’d think I was forcing her to witness a cow being butchered and then serving her a grilled rib-eye. She pointed out that I was not getting any younger and that I should settle down. She went on to tell me about her 3 married kids and how the oldest two have given her grandchildren. She also took the liberty to tell me that my parents were expecting me to fulfill this duty and as a good daughter, I should oblige. She left saying she’d pray every night for me to find someone to marry and procreate with, which was rather sweet and thoughtful really. However, I think the prudent thing to do here is to ask my parents to corroborate said “duty” before I go and force the next guy I date to marry me and knock me up.

Recently, I was again humored when a Korean math teacher sparked a conversation with me. As if these old, ethnic women read from the same script, she asked about my education, then age, then inevitably, my marital status. When I told her I was not married despite having cohabitated with a boyfriend in the past, she gasped. She literally GASPED! She bemoaned my living in sin, “No, no, no. If my daughter did that, I would die.” I didn’t have the heart to tell her that her 28 year old daughter who has been dating her boyfriend for 6 years has undoubtedly been stuffin’ her muffin. As if I didn’t shock her enough with my tidbit of lascivious info, I also told her I wasn’t sold on having children. That’s when she rolled up her sleeves and talked to me in her mother voice. Apparently, without marrying and not having children, I cannot be a true woman (yes, she seriously said this to me).

UmmThe last time I was at the ob-gyn, I had two working ovaries and a healthy vagina, so I care to differ about not having fulfilled this destiny.

I’m not easily offended, but I can definitely see how others can be (my sister couldn’t believe their audacity). Although I don’t agree with their advice, I respect where they’re coming from and politely listen. I’m just wondering how I missed the memo where females were told that in order to have a meaningful life and to be a real woman, we’re supposed to get married and pop out babies. Yeah, about that… Um, no. I just tell myself whatever they said came from a motherly, good place. I’m just thankful my mother isn’t so old-fashioned and doesn’t lecture me about my countless, meaningless sexual exploits. Just kidding, as far as she’s concerned, I’m as pure as the driven snow.

SmirkGod, I hope she never finds this blog.


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